A lost of something

2007-04-09T09:09:00.000-07:00

1.The phone rings. Who do you want it
to be?
- someone thats always on my mind.

2. When shopping at the grocery store,
do you return your cart?
- i dont go grocery shopping.

3.In a social setting, are you more of
a talker or a listener?
- depends on the topic.

4. If abandoned alone in the
wilderness, would you survive?
- no.

5. Do you like to ride horses?
- no.

6. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
- yes.

7. What was your favorite board game
as a kid?
- risk.

8. If a sexy person was pursuing you,
but you knew he/she was taken what
would you do?
- test waters but i'm a sucker for love.

9. Are you judgmental?
- depends

10. Would you date someone with
different religious beliefs?
- probably.

11. Are you continuing your education?
- most probably

12. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
- yes, but not shooting with a gun

13. If your house was on fire, what's
the first thing you'd grab?
- my cellphone.

14. How often do you read books?
- nope.

15. Do you think more about the past,
present or future?
- all the same.

16. What is your favorite children's
books?
- batman.

17. Have you kissed any of your
MySpace/Friendster friends?
- ya.

18. How tall are you?
- 181.

19. Where is your ideal house located?
- orchard road.

20. Last person you talked to?
- calli.

21. Have you ever taken pictures in a
photo booth?
- ya.

22. When was the last time you were at
Olive Garden?
- dont know where that is.

23. What are your keys on your key
chains for?
- house.

24. What did you do last night?
- cry, sleep.

25. Where is your current pain at?
- back.

26. Do you like mustard?
- no

27. Do you like your mom or dad?
- both no.

28. How long does it take you in the
shower?
- 10 minutes.

29.What movie do you want to see right
now?
- sunshine, transformers, spiderman3

30. Do you put lotion on your dog or
cats?
- no

31. What did you do for New Year's?
- club.

32. Do you think The Grudge was scary?
- okay lur.

33. Do you own a camera phone?
- ya

34. What's the last letter of your
middle name?
- n

35. Who did you vote for on American
Idol?
- myself.

36. How many hours of sleep do you get
a night?
- around 6

37. Do you like care bears?
- okay lor.

38. Do you know how to play poker?
- yes.

39. Do you wear your seatbelt?
- no

40.What do you wear to sleep?
- a jacket and shorts.

41. Any big event happened in your
hometown?
- no

42. Is your tongue pierced?
- no

43. Who's the funniest person you know?
- imran

44. Do you like funny or serious people
better?
- depends

45. Ever been to Vegas?
- yes.

46. Did you eat a cookie today?
- no

47. Do you use cuss words in other
languages?
- yes

48. Do you steal or pay for your music
downloads?
- steal

49. When was the last time you said "i
love you" and meant it?
- yesterday.

51. Is your cell usually on vibrate or
ring?
- depends

52. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend?
- i'm feeling hurt

2007-04-02T18:57:00.000-07:00

I missed you so much. But frankly, the way that you have
been messaging me and calling me is so different. I'm
paranoid maybe I'm stupid. You're busy with camp and
everything. You don't say, I miss you or I love you anymore.
This hurts me so much. Isaac, I love you.
Please don't do this to me. I can't help but to cry everynight.
It's so hurting but I want to go through this phrase with
you. I'll do everything, everything for you.

I love you.

Benji

2006-12-04T02:48:00.000-08:00

I hate people at work. And there's one that I dont
like at all. Thank god she's leaving. She's a fucking
bitch and I hope she fails outside. She acts pretty
when clearly she's not. Gosh, when will girls like
her know their limit?

No wonder she's not attached. So understandable.
She said it's an excuse. I said it was my fault and
I admitted that its my fault. What more do you want?
ITS NOT AN EXCUSE ANYMORE. FUCK YOU.
you think you're so great. FUCK YOU. you think
you're pretty. FUCK YOU. you think you're miss
know it all? FUCK YOU. you think that just because
I'm a part time staff, I can be bullied and I'm
nothin like you (wait, of course I'm nothing like you.
you're SHIT) FUCK YOU.
You think that you're always right. FUCK YOU.
Even out colleagues have quarrelled with you.
FUCK YOU.

2006-12-02T19:24:00.000-08:00

Oh gawk, I hate people that treat me like dirt.
They can be your closes friends and yet still
treat you like dirt. This sucks. Why be so cheapo
and superficial. Is it that important to get free
stuffs? I'm utterly disappointed and I'm waiting
for you to come talk to me about it cause I'm
not going to be the one to start the conve with
you all.

If you all are not the ones that will be making
the move to talk to me about it, then well, I'll
just have to use my superficial side and see how
things will turn out cause I'm utterly pisst and
disgusted already.

Learn the hard truth. Life's a bitch.

Benji

2006-10-07T21:16:00.000-07:00

The world's a mess and so am I. With wild thoughts
running through my mind about what happened
yesterday night. Whats there more to worry
when they don't even care? For once, yesterday
night I showed that I couldn't be bothered about
the things that will be happening around us.
Whatever for to bother when I'm already so
messed up? Beats me.

The secret source to humor and happiness is
sorrow. Everyone has to agree on that.

Benji

2006-09-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

I wished that I could say somethings to you.
I wished that I could get some thoughts over
to you.
But I'm afraid of how you'll react to it. I don't
know whether you'll be talking to me again
after I tell you those things. Its really
difficult and I hate this feeling.

I so wanna tell you. But yet I'm afraid. sighs.

Benji

2006-09-07T08:19:00.000-07:00

Don't pity ourselves just to bluff our mind that
its not us that's to blame. Reflect on how we
treat others before saying how other's treat us.
I hate it. GRAHHHHHHHH.

=D

2006-09-05T07:20:00.000-07:00

The cause of a severe mood swing lately has affected
my whole entire mood of chilling in town. I hate being
quiet and I hate being silent. But then again, I don't
know what else to do. Having to talk about my problems
doesnt seem to be the solution. Or it doesn't seem to
be mine.

The cold shoulder. The cold war. The coldness of
everything that has happened. Its a small problem.
I didn't delibrately ignore you. I haven finished my
sentence with someone and you cut me in. Then you
gave me the cold shoulder. With all those crap you talked
to me online. The hurtful words that you used but I
just brushed it off with a joke.

How long am I going to take this till? How long am I going
to hide and act as though nothing happened? Yes, it hurt.
Don't you ever give a though on how I'll feel?

Reflection is what we all need.

Benji

2006-09-03T06:42:00.000-07:00

I feel uptightly caught. I'm living a life of my own
which even I cannot control by myself.
Welcome to the other blog sub off the evolutionmatrix
one.

I couldn't make it to club that night. And I aint feeling
any better now. I wasn't there for my people and I
wasn't there because ______________.

I miss my bros. I miss all of them loads. Ive absoutely
nothing to say to my parents anymore. They don't
understand me a single bit. Whats that gonna sound?
Max, jovan and the rest knows more about me and
how I feel more than my parents. As I said,
the people that are important to me isn't the people
that love me and brought me up.

Its the people that love me and hear me out. I've sold
my life. And I've sold my life to my bros.love.

Benji

2006-07-16T19:19:00.000-07:00

There's just too much that time cannot erase.
I pray that we can be together. Just that one
little prayer that we can get to know each other
a little better. I pray for that. Cause the sky
cries with each rain fall.

2006-07-13T18:51:00.000-07:00

I feel so lonely without seeing you online to
brighten my day up. Aye what am I going to do.
The times when you don't reply me, I start getting
jumpy and my mind starts thinking. But when you
just tell me that you're busy with school, I feel
so happy that I've gotten you under my wings.
At least I know that you're there. You just make me
fall all the more for you.

And when you came online again and talked to me
ARGh, i was so happy just to know that you're
talking to me again. You just make me fall for you.
just fall for you.

2006-07-11T04:34:00.000-07:00

I couldn't ignore the pain any longer
Life was just too much
I never saw my life in future times
Or happiness and love and such

I'd been to the edge with the intent to jump
And had become happy with thoughts of no pain
Feeling my uselessness as an inherited curse
I had nothing left to gain

The sun failed to shine
In my world overcast
Birds no longer sang
And the first had become the last

All the things good and whole
Had turned and went their way
They were never to return to me
So I felt I should just go away

Comsumption by hate and pain, to save was too late
Where should I turn now?
Why do I get kicked when I'm down?
When could I be happy? Or even better, how?

Fallen and fetal
I will return to the dirt
Bittersweet battle within
No longer would I hurt

Smiles soon fade
And hearts followed to break
As I cried out for help
I cried in heaven's sake

Routinely I cried
For a hand to reach me
I looked blanky at emptiness' stare
And closed my eyes reluctantly

But I felt one more fight, a chance in me
To save myself from isolation
Piercing my lips were words of insignificance
And the wnd to my frustration

As time's hands moved on and on
Together, as one, we grew
Now solitary routine you seek
You seek you never knew

Tired of times we spend together
Tired of me you grow
Tired of being tired in time
No feelings will you show

But in time as your thoughts are even
Will I be thought of only as your pawn
And will you be happy or sad
When I'm finally gone?

I miss your hugs.

You Are Safe

2006-07-06T23:12:00.000-07:00

At night, I think of you before I sleep.
I say my prayer just to make sure you're safe.
I can't sleep at night cause you're the only thing thats on my mind.
Yet now, after everything has happen, you should be out of my mind.
But why?
Why is it so difficult to get you out of my mind?
I love you too much to see you in someone elses arms.
I cannot bear the fact to lose you to someone else. Yet at night, I cry to myself just to let myself know that you're still here.
Here in the world for me to look at. I saw you walking on the streets, just to run and hide from you.
I rather be invisible and watch you from afar, just to know that you're doing
And I walk through my back alley, just to sit there and cry.
Knowing that I'll never get you back.

For You

2006-07-02T23:02:00.000-07:00

To know you is difficult enough.
To lose you, I don't know what I'll do.
I miss you so much when you're gone.
Well, we don't miss someone until we lose them.
Have I lost you?
I don't know.
My heart has been shattered.
Till the extend I don't know how to put it back.
Only you have the key, the key in putting everything back together again.
Only you, I find myself whole again.